Howdy! Yes I know there’s been a lack of reviews lately. I’ve been incredibly busy as of late so I do apologise. But do not fret your little head, for I can still update you on all the latest movie trailers!
1. Frontera:
Boy is this a good start to the week! Looks utterly remarkable.
2. The Anomaly:
From the highs of Frontera to the generic lows of The Anomaly…
3. Believe Me:
Doesn’t look brilliant, but I may see it just because it takes the piss out of Christianity!
4. Leprechaun: Origins:
Despite involving a classic horror icon, this desperate prequel looks as if it has not struck any pots of gold.
5. Dumb And Dumber To:
Everyone has been going ballistic over this trailer. To be honest, I don’t see why. Based on what I saw, I’m not all that excited for this film.
6. The Boxtrolls:
Looks fun, and knowing it was made by the same people as Coraline, this has definitely garnered some interest.
7. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For – Trailer 2:
WARNING: ANTICIPATED MOVIE. NO REVIEW.
8. Paddington:
Why do I feel as if my childhood is going to be partially ruined by this film?!
9. The Interview:
Seth Rogen is on a roll at the minute! This looks like another winner from him.
10. Penguins Of Madagascar:
Dreamworks Animation will seriously not let this franchise die, will they?
11. Home:
Rihanna is in this film –> 😦
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) is in this film –> 😡
12. No Good Deed:
The only reason why I would be interested in seeing this is for Idris Elba! Seriously, that man has got chops!!!
13. Dolphin Tale 2 – Trailer 2:
“All we can do now is hope” “That’s her name” GRROOOAAAANNN!!!!
14. Heatstroke:
Don’t worry, this is not be confused with the atrocious 2008 film of the same name! This one actually looks cooler!!!
15. Witching And Bitching:
This is absurd, idiotic, and utterly ridiculous. And I’m not sure if I like it or not because of that…
16. Birdman:
This. Looks. Amazeballs!!!
That, ladies and gentlemen, is all the trailers that have been released in the past week! Tell me what you think of each trailer in the comments below. Tune in next week for all the latest movie trailers!
Welcome back my darlings! Here are all the latest trailers, brought to you on this fine Monday afternoon (hence the name!)
1. Ivory Tower – Education Documentary
I love education, but I loathe school systems and the way they are operated. This seems right up my alley!
2. Beneath:
The tag-line of this horror film is ‘Save Your Beneath’. If that’s not any indication for how bad this is gonna be, then I don’t know what is!
3. The Green Inferno – Trailer 2:
For a horror film, it looks like a cool concept. But knowing it’s Eli Roth, it’s advised that you get in the mood to watch torture porn before entering the theatre.
4. Very Good Girls:
I have to say, Very Good Girls does indeed look very good!
5. Made In America – Music Documentary:
It’s a documentary that involves Jay Z 😡
It’s a documentary directed by Ron Howard 😀
6. Hercules – Trailer 2:
Despite the film being about a powerful Greek god, this doesn’t look like the film will leave a strong(!) impression.
7. Love, Rosie – Teaser Trailer 3:
To Rosie, this film looks like sh*t on a kebab. Love, Fergie.
8. The Giver – Trailer 2:
Looks better than I thought it would be, but I am aware of the outcry from fans of the book so I think I will read the novel first. And the film comes out on my birthday! It’s not important to you but it is to me!!!
9. Lullaby:
Meh… Looks alright. Not sure if this tune will strike a chord with me.
10. Moon Indigo:
Surreal, high-spirited and insanely creative. Just how I like it! Someone buy me tickets!!!
11. Rage:
If Nicolas Cage isn’t screaming/shouting in an absurd manner in this film, then I’m not gonna be happy!
12. Sex Tape:
Unless you want to watch a 90 minute commercial for Apple, then there’s no point in watching this film!
13. The Best Of Me:
Sorry lads. Looks like another film your girlfriends are gonna drag you to the cinema to see! Thankfully, I don’t have a girlfriend! For once, being single is actually somewhat a positive thing… Weird.
14. Are You Here:
Thank heavens above! This is a comedy that actually looks good!!!
15. Step Up 5: All In:
If Hollywood would stop making idiotic dance movies, that would be greeeeaat. Brownie points to those that recognise the reference!
16. The November Man:
♫COOL GUYS DON’T LOOK AT EXPLOOOSIONS!!!♫ I really do have the voice of an angel!
17. Million Dollar Arm:
If you want to watch a funny, lighthearted, and inspirational flick, then this looks like it will fit the bill perfectly. Not sure if I’ll end up seeing it myself though.
18. Sharknado 2: The Second One – Teaser Trailer:
It’s a sequel to a film about shark infested tornados. What else can I say?!?!
That, ladies and gentlemen, is all the trailers that have been released in the past week! Tell me what you think of each trailer in the comments below. Tune in next week for all the latest movie trailers!
Here’s your weekly fix of all the latest movie trailers!
By the way, I’ve been really busy for this past week so I’m not able to post full length reviews for each trailer like I normally would. However, I do have the time to write a simple “One Sentence Review”. Let’s get started!!!
1. Foxcatcher:
Holy batnipples, this looks unbelievable! Oscar worthy? Sure looks that way.
2. Guardians Of The Galaxy – Trailer 2:
WARNING: ANTICIPATED MOVIE. NO REVIEW!
3. Wish I Was Here:
Looks… fun. A bucket of light-hearted fun. Other than that… meh. I quite like the soundtrack though!
4. Hellion:
JESSE!!! What you doing fathering a young dirt bike racer?! We have to cook!!!
5. Happy Christmas:
‘Happy Christmas?’ More like ‘Pathetic & Not-Funny-In-The-Slightest Christmas’ am I right?! High five! No? Fine.
6. Life Itself – Rodger Ebert Documentary:
As a fan of Mr. Ebert, this will be one of the first documentaries I will be willing to sit through!
7. Kingsman: The Secret Service:
If X-Men: First Class met a B-Movie version of James Bond, this is probably the movie you would receive.
8. Disney’s Big Hero 6:
Get your guns ready: I hate Frozen. I know, I know! Calm down!!! So since this is from the same people (Disney), I’m not sure how to feel about this. At least it looks like my ears will be safe from any more torture!
9. The Equaliser:
What did you say? This doesn’t look awesome? Starts Timer
10. Clouds Of Sils Maria:
You’re probably thinking one of two things: either OBLIGATORY ASS SHOT!!! or KRISTEN STEWART IS SMILING!!!. And I have to say, both of these factors do make the film seem a lot more interesting! Besides that, just seems like a desperate attempt to win an award at Cannes!
That, ladies and gentlemen, is all the trailers that have been released in the past week! Tell me what you think of each trailer in the comments below. Tune in next week for all the latest movie trailers!
Wallace and his loyal dog, Gromit, set out to discover the mystery behind the garden sabotage that plagues their village and threatens the annual giant vegetable growing contest.
Official Trailer:
Full Review:
After my disappointment with Aardman’s 1997 short film Stage Fright (see review HERE), I only remembered how great the studio’s other films are. Works such as Creature Comforts and Chicken Run, without a shadow of a doubt, trump Stage Fright any day of the week. However, I think it’s fair to say that the loveable duo portrayed in this film still remain the studio’s Magnus Opus. First introduced in 1989’s A Grand Day Out, Wallace and his adorable chum Gromit have won over the hearts of the British public as well as the rest of the world with their fantastic imagination and inherent charm. So now after three super-successful 30 minute shorts (and later followed on by a fourth short), the pair star in their own feature length film!
Released in 2005, I still remember when this was first coming out. I was so excited to see this since the claymation moguls are responsible for a small part of my childhood. I used to own all the toys and re-watch the shorts over and over again, never growing tired of the zany but light-hearted humour. So to see a 90 minute W&G adventure on the big screen was like heaven on a cheese cracker. Sorry, expect several references throughout!!! So what did I think? When I was a mindless child, I adored it. As a grown up stubborn teenager who thinks his opinion on movies is more important than others which is why he writes these reviews, I still really liked it but a few minor flaws have since been uncovered.
Let’s begin! The first fantastic factor of this film is that Nick Park and Steve Box, who made all the previous W&G films, take on all creative duties for this film (i.e. directing and writing), which is excellent to see! It is very rare in the movie industry that a film adaption of content which originated on a smaller platform (in this case short films) allows the original creators of said content to tackle the adaption head on. It shows that the studio care about the source material and respect what makes it so great in the first place. And that really shows throughout with the film with none of the humour and atmosphere being diluted or compromised.
All of the comedy enlightens the heart and tickles your inner child (not in that way!!!) despite most of the jokes just being a play on words and the use of a bit of slapstick. If used in any other film, I feel as if the comedy wouldn’t work as well as it would when our amiable inventor and dog address the same humour. There’s just something about their delivery that automatically makes it funny. Merely looking at Wallace’s cheesy grin makes me laugh! Albeit, I’ll admit that Wallace and Gromit really excel in dialogue based humour as opposed to physical humour, much like the old Looney Tunes cartoons produced by Warner Brothers. Although Aardman steer towards more physical humour in this clay crusade, Curse Of The Were-Rabbit finds a wonderful balance between these two conflicting styles of comedy which is bound to please both young and old, as well as long time fans and the uninitiated.
Personally, I’m not a fan of slapstick/physical humour due to my distaste of the original Three Stooges show (GASP! Shocker, I know!). But if done right, it can definitely work wonders. Thankfully, COTWR is injected with so much creativity and ambition I just can’t help but smiling! And if think that’s the only way to describe what makes Wallace and Gromit so brilliant: creativity. Only in this ‘franchise’ will you be able to get away with a giant killer rabbit that steals vegetables from a terrified neighbourhood! And when I say the film is ambitious, I mean that some set pieces are so out of this world it’s truly absurd (in a good way). I’m also referring to the film’s underlying messages about animal cruelty and… yes that’s right, eating your vegetables. But hey, the film has silly message for the kiddies to save you from addressing it yourself as well as a general message which everyone can learn from!
I could just rave about this dynamic duo all day if I could, but unfortunately there are a few flaws that need to be discussed. Just like Stage Fright, the film suffers from a weak villain in the form of the Victor played by Ralph Fiennes (Schindler’s List, The English Patient). He doesn’t have a lot of motivation other than being blinded by jealousy, which I feel is a bit of a cop out since just naturally being an arse doesn’t justify some of this guy’s decisions! I also feel that the film is slightly bloated. By that, I mean the way the film is paced just makes the entire movie feel ironically like a really long short. Maybe that’s because the runtime flew by me so fast, but at the end I kinda felt as empty as Wallace is when there’s no cheese in the fridge.
But at the end of the day, Curse Of The Were-Rabbit manages to do a lot more things perfectly than it does not-so-perfectly. It delights my inner fanboy, inner child, and my overall movie-loving self. If you want to watch an animated film that doesn’t make you want to squelch your eyes and ears into guacamole (cough, Frozen, cough), then this is a high-spirited, lively animation that doesn’t fail to disappoint.
Fergie’s Final Fifteen:
Charming, incredibly witty, and absurdly enjoyable. A much needed breath of fresh air. CHEEEEESE GROMIT!!!!
If you’ve been living under a rock for the past few decades and you’re unaware of who Wallace and Gromit are, then I have two things to say to you. First thing is “SHAME ON YOU!”. Secondly, as preparation for this feature length escapade, you can watch all of the pair’s previous short films starting with A Grand Day Out, followed by my personal favourite The Wrong Trousers, which progresses onto A Close Shave and finally finishing off with 2008’s A Matter Of Loaf And Death. Each short is worthy of your time and attention. You can find them all in full on YouTube. Your welcome.
A vaudevillian’s act involving the juggling of dogs is no longer a hit. He and his partner must face a brutal villain and assorted obstacles in order to secure their future.
Full Review:
Last week, I discussed the very under-rated action film Collateral (see review HERE). So, I thought it would be fitting to talk about a fairly under-rated short film. And to go the extra mile, an under-rated animated short film! After winning the BAFTA for Best Animated Short in 1997, Stage Fright has sort of faded away into the fog produced by modern day CGI animated films. With this in mind, it brings me the (somewhat) pleasure to reintroduce this quirky, dark tale from yesteryear.
To begin, let’s get the obvious out the way. This is beautifully animated. Produced by Aardman, who are responsible for classic animated films such as Wallace & Gromit and Chicken Run, the use of stop motion is stupendously executed and is utterly seamless. You may not know this, but I’m a HUUUGE fan of claymation; it is obvious how much work goes into making these types of films and I’m astounded each and every time this studio produces something that exceeds my expectations of what they can achieve. Although this was made in 1997, it is somewhat refreshing to see this type of animation put to use in a midst of CGI.
And I’m kind of glad this was made in 1997 as opposed to modern day. Why? Because chances are this would’ve got shunned out almost immediately by modern day audiences. The gothic themes that are being expressed are out of the norm for most animations which makes it stand out more than it would without. Also, it was very wise for the writers to set the film during Vaudeville times since it doesn’t make these gothic themes seem out of place nor unneccesary; they fit perfectly into the short and even lend themselves to create a stunning scene at the end. There’s another reason why they set the film during this time period, which acts as a minor subplot (which I’ll touch upon in a minute), but I’m glad they took advantage of this era to give us some delicious visuals.
Despite the film being under-rated, I feel this is under-rated for a specific reason. Particularly because it isn’t all that great!!! The film has several issues which mainly relate to the overall narative and the sub-par character development. I should say beforehand that I understand that it is much more difficult to make the audience feel for the characters through such a small space of time, considering that feature length have a runtime of two hours to fully flesh out their characters. But Aardman have been quite successful in this area in their previous short films, especially Wallace & Gromit and their TV series Creature Comforts, so it’s a bit of a shock to the system that these characters don’t deserve 12 minutes of my time in the slightest.
First off, the protagonist doesn’t do anything worthwhile. He just mopes and doesn’t really do anything significant; his only purpose is to trigger sympathy in the audience. His predictament is understandable and definitely relatable to some but as a character he just isn’t cutting it. Off to the dog basket you go!!! His stage partner had a bit more interesting devleopment behind her, but her voice was so annoying! It just bothered me since she narrates part of the film and it unfortunately did not work at all, and it didn’t really seem as if she was putting in a lot of effort to give the best performance she could; it just came across as painfully monotone. Finally, the villain. Good lord, this is a generic villain. He has no reason to act the way he does; he’s just evil for the sake of it. Hell, his appearance looks evil purely because they could animate someone of that design! The worst kind of villain is one without any purpose, and unfortunately the villain is not the only character in this short that serves little to no purpose; it’s the entire cast.
I mentioned how there were a few narrative issues, specifically the lack of completeness for some of the story’s sub-plots, including the one I was eluding to earlier. The story deals with our characters transitioning between the age of theatre to the age of cinema. Unfortunately, the conflict and drama that occurs because of this only lasts for approximately two minutes. After that, it sort of meanders in the background like a passer-by foolishly waving behind a news reporter. It appears to focus more time on developing the friction between our protagonist (who’s by no means a hero!) and our antagonist (who’s by no means a villain!). But the trouble is, this friction isn’t interesting. The gist of the main conflict of the film is that the protagonist is annoyed of taking orders from the antagonist. That’s it!!! Stage Fright doesn’t try to go beyond a fairly dull humanistic conflict, which makes me question why it wasn’t a live action short when it very easily could’ve been.
It’s a shame to see a misfire from Aardman Studios since part of my childhood was formed by watching their films. So with that in mind, I’m sort of glad I missed this since it would leave me feeling down for weeks on end and cautiously tearing apart my movie loving innocence. I mean, it isn’t awful. But it definitely isn’t anything of substance. It’s quite forgettable and, with the exception of one scene, doesn’t really win you over with what’s being projected on screen.
Fergie’s Final Fifteen:
Delightful animation that pleases the eye, but doesn’t help you forget about major overall issues.
I didn’t hate this short film but it could’ve been a hell of a lot better, especially for an award winning short. Luckily, Aardman have a vast choice of shorts and feature length films that are more memorable than this one so, although you won’t gouge your eyes out with Stage Fright, I suggest you check out those instead.
If you still want to check it out, you can do so by watching the video below:
A cab driver (Jamie Foxx) finds himself the hostage of an engaging contract killer (Tom Cruise) as he makes his rounds from hit to hit during one night in Los Angeles. He must find a way to save both himself and one last victim.
Also starring Jada Pinkett Smith and Mark Ruffolo.
Directed by Michael Mann, written by Stuart Beattie.
Official Trailer:
Full Review:
After the atrocities of The Art Of The Steal, which was my last feature film review (read it HERE), I bring to you Collateral in all of it’s guns-blazing glory. And to be fully honest, this may come as a surprise but, this is actually one of my favourite action films of all time. Why? Read the bloody review! But essentially, I love it because of it’s simplicity, meaningful characters, and unforgettable bad-ass action sequences! Allow me to elaborate on all of these points:
Just to clarify, the reason why I thought the fact that Collateral is my favourite action flick may be surprising is because, in my opinion, it’s quite underrated! You hardly see it among many Top 10 lists and it’s not lauded as a modern cinematic masterpiece either. Granted it isn’t a masterpiece, but I believe that it’s so damn good it has become incredibly hard for me to ignore ever since my first viewing. And since then, I’ve re-watched the holy bajeezus out of this and I’m ready to give you my thoughts in full!
First off, this is exactly how action should be filmed. You won’t see any stupid shaky cam, where it’s so vigorous you can’t even make out any details in the scene. Instead, director Michael Mann (Heat, The Insider) treats you with clear, crisp action that’s intense and fast paced, which successfully grips you tightly and shows no signs of letting go. And better yet, it is astoundingly brutal and feels real. Unlike Rambo or Terminator 2: Judgement Day, the set pieces aren’t over the top nor are they specifically designed to boost your testosterone. Each sequence serves to lure us to the extreme edges of our seats as well as enhancing character development and progressing the tricky predicament they find themselves in.
Whilst I’m on the topic of characters, the ones in Collateral are fully fleshed out and are actually interesting! Throughout the film, you are intrigued by Tom Cruise’s (Top Gun, Jerry Maguire) character Vincent & his elusive background, and you feel incredibly sympathetic towards Max who is played by Jamie Foxx (Ray, Django Unchained). Both characters are played extraordinarily by their respective actors as you’d expect from these two mighty fine gentlemen. In fact, the acting was so good, The Academy even offered Foxx an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor for his sublime performance!
And I have to say that I was shocked that Cruise didn’t get the same treatment since this is genuinely the best performance of his career. End of.. He’s not just a set of cheekbones in this film; he’s meticulous, commanding, and is absolutely hellbent throughout. For someone who doesn’t usually play this kind of role, Cruise is in complete control from start to finish. You could even call it ‘Cruise Control’!!! No? Let’s move on…
From directing to acting, let’s talk about the writing. Stuart Beattie (Pirates Of The Caribbean, G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra) writes a terrific screenplay despite not having the best of track records. The dialogue is engaging when the film switches from bullets upon bullets to serious drama that, although allows you to breathe between action scenes, reels you even more through further character development. And as I said at the beginning of the review, this is a film that’s very simple in concept and in execution. A killer is escorted around town by a taxi driver being held hostage. Done! That’s all you need to know about the plot. There isn’t a ton of sub-plots or hidden meanings you need to worry about, therefore your overall experience is a lot more engrossing. And of course, as mentioned previously, the characters are written with such depth it really adds a lot more substance to an otherwise generic plot.
Speaking of generic, that’s probably my only complaint. At times, the story seems a bit reciprocal in how it all unfolds. Particularly the third act, the film will feel reminiscent of other similar (but not as fascinating) action films. But nevertheless, I wasn’t bothered by this the first time round simply because I was so invested in the film I didn’t think much of it. You know you’ve got a good film when you can make an audience member shut up and forget about any evident problems purely through what’s being shown on screen! Despite seeming familiar, it’s execution is fierce and unlike anything you’ve seen beforehand.
Collateral is not only a tense thrill ride, it’s an intriguing story that revolves around people. Wait… a film that focuses on characters?! Preposterous! That’s uncommon amongst most action films! Trust me mate, that’s a plus point about this film; not so much for Hollywood! This is an atmospheric noir sensation that is as exciting as it is compelling. It has somewhat undeservedly flown under the radar over the years, so don’t let it shoot past you if you haven’t seen it already.
Fergie’s Final Fifteen:
Visceral and thrilling action, with engaging drama and intriguing characters. An under-rated tour de force.
Rating:
A
Guys, if you’d be so kind, I need you to share this review to your friends, family, neighbours, strangers, pets, sex slaves, ex girlfriend’s mother, and many more people! We need to bring this film back into popularity and make it worth talking about!!! Sure, it seems unlikely given the fact that this is, as of yet(!), a small scale blog but we need determination and dedication. And besides, sharing this for the sake of it would be helpful too; it would make my day!
Oh, and one more thing. I’m not sorry for the pun in the title. If anything, I’m very proud of it!
Heavenly Father, I ask upon you to update the readers of the Fergie Films blog. Pretty please!
Yes, this is out of the norm, especially when you consider that I’m an atheist! So if you’re around to read the latest review, then you’ve come on the wrong day; come back on Sunday. In fact, no! Don’t leave!! This news affects you lot too, so keep reading!! This is is a one off post that I like to call: Stuff-That-I-Think-Is-Important-But-It-Really-Isn’t-But-A-Full-Length-Blog-Post-Will-Be-Made-Nevertheless-So-Shut-Up-It’s-My-Blog-Wait-Sorry-I-Didn’t-Mean-That-Come-Back-To-Me-Darling-I-Beg-Of-You. Phew! That’s a big mouthful that even Kim Kardashian couldn’t handle!! Long story short, this is just a small update regarding how the blog is going to be run and how reviews are going to be posted. And for some reason, I thought I would post this update in the style of the infamous Ten Commandments. Why? Because I feel like it! Shall we get started? I think we shall!
Commandment I: Thou Shall Not Rate Short Films
From now on, short film reviews will NOT receive a rating at the end of the review. I’ve found that most popular short films are above average in terms of quality; they’re popular for a good reason! And most of the bad short films are very clearly done by amateur yet aspiring filmmakers, so it wouldn’t be fair to completely trash all their hard work. This change may also be implemented into my feature length film reviews as well but for the time being, they are safe.
The main reason for this change is because of a video I saw by one of my favourite YouTuber’s NerdCubed, who voices his views on rating scores and rants about why they are bullsh*t! It really resonated with me and deserves to be checked out. You can watch the video via the link below (skip to 2:01)
Commandment II: Thou Shall Post Reviews Twice Weekly
Remember that poll I posted last week? The results of said poll were quite evident that you wanted to see more reviews posted on the blog. And to be honest, I kind of agree! I’m not reviewing as many full length films as I would like to (due to time constraints) and I’m getting pretty tired of having to rely on short films since I know without a doubt nine out of ten times it’s gonna be good. So I will now be posting TWO reviews per week! I seriously wish I can implement this change with immediate effect, but unfortunately I can’t. It’s exam season at the minute and I want to focus as much of my attention and time to making sure I do the best I can. But guaranteed, after the 3rd June, this change will be in full swing.
Commandment III: Thou Shall Post Reviews On Fridays and On God’s Day Of Rest (Sunday)
As you’ve read above, reviews will still be posted on Sunday but the second weekly review will be posted on Friday. Simple enough! I don’t really need to say anything else about this!! Next commandment…
Commandment IV: Thou Shall Fathom An Abundance Of Trailer Reviews
Albeit, I wasn’t a huge fan of the original concept of my trailer reviews, which is why I don’t do them more often. But I still want to share all the latest trailers with you guys, since I know a gem of a film can have a trailer released in the same week as the next mindless action blockbuster, and undeservedly get overshadowed by it. So what I want to do is post something on Mondays which I call “Movie Trailer Mondays” where I link you guys through to all of the trailers that have been released in the past week. Along with the links, I will also provide a two to three sentence summary of my thoughts of each trailer. The first article in this, for lack of a better term, ‘segment’ will be posted on May 19th.
Commandment V: Thou Shall Encourage Servants To Follow Thy Lord On Twitter
Okay okay, this isn’t a change to the blog but it is appreciated! Seriously, if you guys follow me on Twitter I will be posting content I won’t be posting on the blog (i.e. latest movie news, an absurd amount of puns and jokes, among other wacky shenanigans). And Twitter is the place to be if you guys want to recommend some films for me to review. In fact, I urge you guys to recommend some films for three reasons: –> I love discovering new films
–> I want to know what my readers would like to see reviewed
–> Some weeks, I have no idea what to review, so you’d be helping out!
And if we as a small loving community conjure up enough interaction between one another, I would like to put the power in your hands, where you decide what I should review after I’ve given you two potential films as voting options. So what are you waiting for?! Oh, you’re waiting for the link to my twitter aren’t you? In that case, here it is! https://www.twitter.com/FergieFilms
Well there you go! That’s all the important updates you need to know for now!! Stay tuned for Sunday where a new review will be posted as always.
*There isn’t a poster, so I thought this would make a good substitution!
Plot Synopsis:
What happens when a Captain and his crew take the star ship out for a joyride while drunk? Find out in this cinematic experiment involving an entirely drunk cast and crew.
Official Short:
Full Review:
May the 4th be with you! Yes that’s right. It’s officially Star Wars Day today and what better way to celebrate than reviewing a short film about drunk people! The five minute short features elements of the Star Wars universe so I thought this would be incredibly fitting for the occasion. However, I know some of you will complain and rip into me about how there are elements from bitter rivals Star Trek that are being used in the video. To which I say… Star Trek and Star Wars now have the same director! So it shouldn’t matter!! So, let’s shoot this review into warp speed and get started!
I shouldn’t have to point this out, but you definitely should not take this seriously in the slightest. I mean, with the name of Star Drunk, you’d be stupid to treat this with the same seriousness as a film about the tragedies of World War II. The main niche of the film is that all the actors on screen are (allegedly) drunk and that the script was written while the writers were under the influence. With this in mind, it’s easy to assume that this isn’t gonna be like any other short you’ve seen this year. And it definitely isn’t!
The reason for this is because, unlike other shorts, this film has no narrative structure whatsoever! It is so loosely put together and many scenes and small moments are incredibly insignificant and out of place; it can be irritating to the die hard film fan. But that’s why this is comedic genius! It somehow manages to satirise Sci-Fi as a genre and wonderfully succeeds in doing so, despite having little to no set-up for their jokes.
In fact, these aren’t even jokes. These are just moments moulded by atrocious writing and overdone acting which come across as funny. It’s exactly the reason why films like The Room are so funny; it’s so obviously horrendous we respond with laughter instead of hate. And yet, I wouldn’t say this is “So Bad, It’s Good”. It wasn’t trying to be good in the first place, knowing that the actors were intoxicated while filming. Because of this, what we receive at the end of the day is ludicrous cinema and downright absurdity but you’ll always find the funny side no matter how you look at it.
I don’t really have much else to say about this. It is what it is; a stupid YouTube video!. But the fact that this is a ‘stupid YouTube video’ is why it’s so enjoyable. Nothing like this would ever be produced by Hollywood studios for the simple reason that they want success and good quality content. Unfortunately Hollywood doesn’t always get what it wants, but they will strive for it by any means necessary. The beauty of this is that we’re exposing ourselves to a kind of humour that wouldn’t have been touched upon if it wasn’t for the existence of the internet and the abundance of memes and Vine videos. When Hollywood are unable to satisfy our sense of humour, we as a society will turn to the inter-webs to reinvigorate the feeling of laughter that we lost during our viewing of Movie 43!
Out of all the videos you can watch on YouTube and out of all the (short) films you can watch on Star Wars Day, make it this one. It’s painfully hilarious and, although sloppy in narrative, delightful on every level imaginable. But if you want to re-watch the original Star Wars trilogy for the 37th time, then be my guest; it’s probably what I’ll end up doing! Or better yet, take your copies of the prequels and burn them! Six children will be saved for every DVD of The Phantom Menace that is burned around the world. Please make this a tradition for every Star Wars Day!
Fergie’s Final Fifteen:
Beyond idiotic, but ridiculously funny and full of hilarious absurdity. This is why YouTube exists!
I’m not going to rate the video since I wouldn’t know how to! Like I said, this is it’s own thing! Let us embrace it!! There’s actually another reason why I won’t rate it but I’m gonna save that for another post. But in the meantime, I hope you enjoy your day of cosplaying, and pretending to swish light-sabres while you actually swing a very old broomstick!
Hello film fans! As you can see, this is something a little bit different to what you’re used to. Don’t worry, there will be review on Sunday just like normal (in which some of you may be surprised by my choice of film!) so fret not my dear! Today, I propose to you a poll. Not just any poll, but it’s a poll regarding the livelihood of this blog so therefore I would like ALL those reading to provide an answer.
The reason why I’ve made this poll is because I believe the site can do much better and achieve much more than it currently is at the moment. So in order for this site to progress, I’ve come to the conclusion that more varied content needs to be produced not just movie reviews on Sundays. But since I have no idea what you guys like and dislike, I thought I would leave the decision to you. That’s right, you get to tell me what you personally would like to see posted.
You are not limited to the options below, even though these are the most likely to be produced. If you have an idea for the site which I like, then answer it in the ‘Other’ box. I look forward to your responses!
Enough! You already know how to answer a poll!! Get answering people!!!
Warning: This film is disastrously bad. To fully get my point across, this review contains strong language and mature content. Parent discretion is advised. Now enjoy the review bitches!!
Plot Synopsis:
Crunch Calhoun (Kurt Russell), a semi-reformed art thief, agrees to get his old gang back together to pull off one last heist. Also starring Matt Dillon, Jay Baruchel, Kenneth Welsh, and Katherine Winnick.
Official Trailer:
Full Review:
Although this already came out last year in America (as a limited release), The Art Of The Steal is set to be released to the UK on June 20th. And I had the divine opportunity to watch this before anyone else in the UK (Thank you torrent sites!!). Because of this, my responsibility to advise you guys on what films to watch has just increased significantly, therefore I’m just gonna spit it out. This is a cinematic representation of herpes. To call this a bad film would be like calling Hitler a prick; it just isn’t enough! I’m glad and, at the same time, ashamed to know about this film. Ashamed because of how awful it is, but glad because I get to rant about it to you guys!! Let’s get stuck in, shall we?!
You know how it goes; I talk about the good points before the bad points so I shall try to succumb myself to giving this film any credit. I will admit that the cinematography of the film is pretty nice; each scene has a distinctive look and feel and many shots are fluidly choreographed and executed. But remember, don’t judge a book by it’s cover! Another aspect that the film succeeds in is establishing some enjoyable chemistry between the two Interpol officers in the film (played by Jason Jones and Terrence Stamp). They are the exact polar opposites of one another and without a doubt contribute the best moments throughout the entire runtime through their banter and arguing.
But realistically… that’s it!The Art Of The Steal fails dramatically in every other department to the point of cringeworthy. Honest to God, this film has B-Class movie written all over it, and it’s not even that good of a B-Class movie. If anything, it’s an Z-Class!! In fact, this film has riled me up so much this will be my first uncensored review, filled to the brim with ‘F This’ and ‘F That’ amongst other curse words and insults aimed directly to everyone involved in this production. So without further ado, let’s fucking get started already!!!
Let’s go from the ‘I Let It Slide’ issues to the issues that had me screaming ‘Fuck A Duck You Piece Of Shit!!’ at the TV screen. Firstly, the acting is surprisingly sub-par. Hollywood big name Kurt Russell (The Thing, Death Proof) and Oscar nominee Matt Dillon (Crash, Nothing But The Truth) try their very best to give a good performance but unfortunately the material they are given is as poor as Nibbles the rat, and the direction from Jonathan Sobol (who also wrote the film) doesn’t stretch the actors to their full potential.
The second issue is the atrocious pacing. Luckily, the film finds a rhythm of some kind later on in the film but this is still a glaring issue during the first half. Within the first 20 minutes, the film has outlined a 5 1/2 year timeline, bounced back and forth between 5 different countries and very aptly introduced 10 characters. I don’t know about you, but that’s a lot of information to take in within 20 minutes!! And frankly, I couldn’t tell what was happening; I couldn’t keep up with any of the details at all and when I thought I’ve got a hang of it, our characters are smuggling themselves into fucking Detroit!! The fact that this issue isn’t the worst problem with the film should be a forewarning to those who are still on the fence about watching this.
Because some of you may think that even if the film is this bad that surely, with a wacky premise such as the one being showcased, the film has the potential to be mindless fun nevertheless. But nope. This is as boring as Victoria Beckham’s pout. Mainly due to the nonsensical narrative, there is nothing in The Art Of The Steal that captivated me and made me care about the characters and their dilemmas. There is a lack of action sequences, which is kind of expected for a film of this kind, and the film heavily relies on conversation and dialogue to keep you interested. And ultimately, the film falls flat on its face because of this.
Speaking of the sense of humour, it is the worst I’ve seen in a while. Where Martin Scorsese’s latest masterpiece The Wolf Of Wall Street (see review HERE) has genius and downright hilarious humour, The Art Of The Steal looks like a drama compared to every other successful comedy. There are so many moments where the atmosphere in the room was tainted by the horrific jokes and quips. Even the jokes that have a big build up are just not worth it and other ‘funny’ moments translate to me as precariously attempting to induce a few chuckles from the audience via sexual references and foul mouthed language.
THEY EVEN RELY ON A GIANT FUCKING VAGINA TO MAKE US LAUGH!!!
If I haven’t made it all that clear, avoid this movie at all costs! It’s atrocious, pitiful, and a disgrace to cinema. The Art Of The Steal is essentially a poor man’s version of a Guy Ritchie film, so with that in mind don’t waste your time with this abomination and instead watch a quality crime/comedy film such as the stupendous Snatch or even the ludicrous Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. Don’t even take up space on your computer by illegally downloading this visual piece of fecal matter and instead live your life to the fullest. But hey, at least the cinematography is nice!
Fergie’s Final Fifteen:
Little to no redeeming factors make this a cinematic tradegy. Not recommended in the slightest.
Rating:
E+
Despite loathing the film, I thoroughly enjoyed writing this review!! Hopefully you thoroughly enjoyed reading this review and if you did, please share it with your friends so there’s no chance any innocent human being will be tortured at the hands of Kurt Russell.
FERGIE FILMS 